Assumptions and Mistrust

Love believes all things. Yes, to believe all things means to believe that love is there – even though love is not apparent, even though the opposite is seen. Mistrust takes the very foundation away. Unlike love, mistrust cannot build up. Love hopes all things. Despite all appearances to the contrary, love firmly trusts that love will eventually show itself, even in the deluded, in the misguided, and in the lost.
-Soren Kierkegaard

Mistrust is a subtle and effective stumbling block for many of us. I don’t mean the kind of mistrust that suspects someone to be a liar or a con man. This issue is so much more than whether or not the truth has been told. I’m talking about the times that we, in mistrust, bring our own prejudices and expectations as baggage and heap them on the table of our friendships. I’m talking about making premature assumptions about people that can have serious consequences.

I notice a tendency in myself and in other Christians to jump to conclusions and to take a defensive posture long before any threats have been uttered. I heard a preacher speaking this weekend about the opposition that we Christians will face from the church as we truly begin to walk out the things of God. The reality is, we will face opposition, and yes, many times it will come from right inside the church walls. It’s foolish to think otherwise, and it is, in fact, a wise thing to prepare for the opposition that Jesus promised would come to us on account of the word. But something in me was grieved that we are so quick to mistrust our brothers and sisters. It’s like we’ve been programmed to be fundamentally defensive in our strategy, and defensiveness doesn’t come for free.

In preparing to face opposition from “the religious”, it’s common to talk about an anonymous, corporate body of church-goers that will set themselves against the truly righteous. The problem is, the world isn’t made up of anonymous people, and neither is the church. People are real. The minute it gets down to a personal level; to a one-on-one scenario with another person, the suspicion of betrayal or misunderstanding becomes deadly. When you’re dealing with real people - people with skin and names and faces - it’s suddenly very important that you drop your assumptions about them and love them enough to actually trust them.

What does this mean? It means that sometimes I love my neighbor by giving him the benefit of the doubt. It means that in the courtroom of my heart, my brother is innocent until proven guilty. Too often we (out of rejection) perceive opposition and just shut down. Flight over fight. That isn’t love. Jesus didn’t avoid the Pharisees – he had dinner with them. How many times must Christ have noticed the Chief Priests approaching him, knowing full well that a fight was coming? And yet he didn’t run – he stayed and listened to what they had to say. Day after day, he patiently and honestly spoke with them. Love hoped all things – hoped that each day would be the day that they would surrender to His love. Even those who have a history of opposing us deserve the dignity of our present trust and our present love. His love is new every morning, and ours should be as well.

I don’t want to use my prejudice as protection or as an exemption from loving my neighbor. For a teenager, it means that you don’t just assume that your parents won’t understand you. Talk to them anyway. If you’re a missionary, it means that you don’t assume the church down the road won’t support your denomination. Ask anyway. If you’re in the Charismatic movement, don’t just assume that the organ playing Methodist church down the street is dead and asleep. Give your brother some credit. Trust that love can and will show itself in your neighbor.

If we insist on looking through the lens of mistrust, we will certainly create many enemies for ourselves. I’m not saying that real opposition won’t come to us, but I am saying that much of our perceived opposition is “self-fulfilling prophecy.” When we walk around waiting for opposition, anyone who we are unsure about becomes a potential backstabber. That is not what it looks like to walk in trust! It is never fair to blindly assume that someone will hurt you or misunderstand you. Withholding love to protect yourself is never the answer. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If they do prove to be your enemy, at least they were given the dignity of being trusted as you loved them and let them near you. And as you suffer in the hurt that is sure to come, drink it down as the Father’s cup for you, and take joy in knowing that you did not repay evil with evil, but with good. **

Lay down your assumptions and live in trust - day after day. Don’t shut down to those that may possibly offend or misquote you. Perhaps they will and perhaps they won’t! If they indeed live up to your prejudices, you will have loved them in their weakness. And if they shatter your low expectations, the surprise and relief you will feel at having found an unexpected friend will be a gift from Heaven.


** I want to be clear that I am not trying to endorse the toleration of any patterns of abuse – there is wisdom in maintaining healthy boundaries, and many times the most loving thing one can do is to remove themselves from a harmful situation or a habitually abusive relationship.