Somewhere down the line I have picked up the idea that it's only in our time alone that we see what's really inside of our hearts. While fellowship is important, it's in the alone times that we get the most authentic glimpse of who we are on the inside. Many a teenager has returned from a Christian camp or conference after an amazing time of growth, only to be warned that their spiritual high will quickly fade. "As soon as you leave the friends and the fun behind," we tell them, "you'll see how much of that amazing experience was genuine." These are our magical tests of Christian Authenticity: Time spent alone. The daily grind. Isolation from external encouagement.
The challenge becomes this: Can I maintain the life I lived for Jesus in the midst of the worshiping crowds when it's just me in my bedroom? Can I make choices for Holiness on both Sunday and Monday mornings?
It's true that there is often times a difference in our behavior depending on whether or not we're alone. That's a given. The majority of my choices to sin happen when I'm alone. There's no denying that the internal, secret life is important to address. My problem is that we've come to believe that being alone is the test of an authentic heart.
Let's say that I go to a prayer meeting with my friends and sing my heart out to the Lord in worship. I encourage the others, graciously serve my brother, and am fascinated by the Word. Then, the next morning, I am alone. I ignore the Word and watch TV instead. I don't serve my brother - I get careless with my eyes in lust. I tolerate slander and envy in my thinking. I entertain and enjoy my sin.
Here is the question: Which person is the real me - and why?
Most of us would be quick to say that the times when we are alone demonstrate who we truly are. We are quick to point to our secret habits as evidence that we haven't quite "arrived." We feel two-faced and hypocritical in a crowd. When we love God in a group we feel like it's somehow cheap or fake. In fact, we're suspicious of ever embracing what God does in our hearts until we see how it plays out when we're alone. If you can't walk it out in your personal life, it's not really "in" you. Keep trying.
I think a lot of damage has been done by believing this stuff. If our time alone is the only situation in which we are authentic before God, what is the Body for? If this is true, then Church becomes nothing but a weekly meeting for hypocrites. If this is true, we suddenly have need to repent of fellowship.
Could it be that we actually see a more authentic self in times of community? In reality, our friends help us to be our true selves. They reach down and help us to live from the good that is already a reality in our hearts. They remind us over and over who we really are.
Never think that your Christianity isn't real unless you can pull it off in secret. Your secret life is important, but your life in community really does count. God himself is a fellowship of Persons. We are a community of believers. I need you to help me be real. It's an authentic, genuine thing to walk with others. You are not a crutch to me - you are a brother or sister that sharpens me like iron on iron.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Assumptions and Mistrust
Love believes all things. Yes, to believe all things means to believe that love is there – even though love is not apparent, even though the opposite is seen. Mistrust takes the very foundation away. Unlike love, mistrust cannot build up. Love hopes all things. Despite all appearances to the contrary, love firmly trusts that love will eventually show itself, even in the deluded, in the misguided, and in the lost.
-Soren Kierkegaard
Mistrust is a subtle and effective stumbling block for many of us. I don’t mean the kind of mistrust that suspects someone to be a liar or a con man. This issue is so much more than whether or not the truth has been told. I’m talking about the times that we, in mistrust, bring our own prejudices and expectations as baggage and heap them on the table of our friendships. I’m talking about making premature assumptions about people that can have serious consequences.
I notice a tendency in myself and in other Christians to jump to conclusions and to take a defensive posture long before any threats have been uttered. I heard a preacher speaking this weekend about the opposition that we Christians will face from the church as we truly begin to walk out the things of God. The reality is, we will face opposition, and yes, many times it will come from right inside the church walls. It’s foolish to think otherwise, and it is, in fact, a wise thing to prepare for the opposition that Jesus promised would come to us on account of the word. But something in me was grieved that we are so quick to mistrust our brothers and sisters. It’s like we’ve been programmed to be fundamentally defensive in our strategy, and defensiveness doesn’t come for free.
In preparing to face opposition from “the religious”, it’s common to talk about an anonymous, corporate body of church-goers that will set themselves against the truly righteous. The problem is, the world isn’t made up of anonymous people, and neither is the church. People are real. The minute it gets down to a personal level; to a one-on-one scenario with another person, the suspicion of betrayal or misunderstanding becomes deadly. When you’re dealing with real people - people with skin and names and faces - it’s suddenly very important that you drop your assumptions about them and love them enough to actually trust them.
What does this mean? It means that sometimes I love my neighbor by giving him the benefit of the doubt. It means that in the courtroom of my heart, my brother is innocent until proven guilty. Too often we (out of rejection) perceive opposition and just shut down. Flight over fight. That isn’t love. Jesus didn’t avoid the Pharisees – he had dinner with them. How many times must Christ have noticed the Chief Priests approaching him, knowing full well that a fight was coming? And yet he didn’t run – he stayed and listened to what they had to say. Day after day, he patiently and honestly spoke with them. Love hoped all things – hoped that each day would be the day that they would surrender to His love. Even those who have a history of opposing us deserve the dignity of our present trust and our present love. His love is new every morning, and ours should be as well.
I don’t want to use my prejudice as protection or as an exemption from loving my neighbor. For a teenager, it means that you don’t just assume that your parents won’t understand you. Talk to them anyway. If you’re a missionary, it means that you don’t assume the church down the road won’t support your denomination. Ask anyway. If you’re in the Charismatic movement, don’t just assume that the organ playing Methodist church down the street is dead and asleep. Give your brother some credit. Trust that love can and will show itself in your neighbor.
If we insist on looking through the lens of mistrust, we will certainly create many enemies for ourselves. I’m not saying that real opposition won’t come to us, but I am saying that much of our perceived opposition is “self-fulfilling prophecy.” When we walk around waiting for opposition, anyone who we are unsure about becomes a potential backstabber. That is not what it looks like to walk in trust! It is never fair to blindly assume that someone will hurt you or misunderstand you. Withholding love to protect yourself is never the answer. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If they do prove to be your enemy, at least they were given the dignity of being trusted as you loved them and let them near you. And as you suffer in the hurt that is sure to come, drink it down as the Father’s cup for you, and take joy in knowing that you did not repay evil with evil, but with good. **
Lay down your assumptions and live in trust - day after day. Don’t shut down to those that may possibly offend or misquote you. Perhaps they will and perhaps they won’t! If they indeed live up to your prejudices, you will have loved them in their weakness. And if they shatter your low expectations, the surprise and relief you will feel at having found an unexpected friend will be a gift from Heaven.
** I want to be clear that I am not trying to endorse the toleration of any patterns of abuse – there is wisdom in maintaining healthy boundaries, and many times the most loving thing one can do is to remove themselves from a harmful situation or a habitually abusive relationship.
-Soren Kierkegaard
Mistrust is a subtle and effective stumbling block for many of us. I don’t mean the kind of mistrust that suspects someone to be a liar or a con man. This issue is so much more than whether or not the truth has been told. I’m talking about the times that we, in mistrust, bring our own prejudices and expectations as baggage and heap them on the table of our friendships. I’m talking about making premature assumptions about people that can have serious consequences.
I notice a tendency in myself and in other Christians to jump to conclusions and to take a defensive posture long before any threats have been uttered. I heard a preacher speaking this weekend about the opposition that we Christians will face from the church as we truly begin to walk out the things of God. The reality is, we will face opposition, and yes, many times it will come from right inside the church walls. It’s foolish to think otherwise, and it is, in fact, a wise thing to prepare for the opposition that Jesus promised would come to us on account of the word. But something in me was grieved that we are so quick to mistrust our brothers and sisters. It’s like we’ve been programmed to be fundamentally defensive in our strategy, and defensiveness doesn’t come for free.
In preparing to face opposition from “the religious”, it’s common to talk about an anonymous, corporate body of church-goers that will set themselves against the truly righteous. The problem is, the world isn’t made up of anonymous people, and neither is the church. People are real. The minute it gets down to a personal level; to a one-on-one scenario with another person, the suspicion of betrayal or misunderstanding becomes deadly. When you’re dealing with real people - people with skin and names and faces - it’s suddenly very important that you drop your assumptions about them and love them enough to actually trust them.
What does this mean? It means that sometimes I love my neighbor by giving him the benefit of the doubt. It means that in the courtroom of my heart, my brother is innocent until proven guilty. Too often we (out of rejection) perceive opposition and just shut down. Flight over fight. That isn’t love. Jesus didn’t avoid the Pharisees – he had dinner with them. How many times must Christ have noticed the Chief Priests approaching him, knowing full well that a fight was coming? And yet he didn’t run – he stayed and listened to what they had to say. Day after day, he patiently and honestly spoke with them. Love hoped all things – hoped that each day would be the day that they would surrender to His love. Even those who have a history of opposing us deserve the dignity of our present trust and our present love. His love is new every morning, and ours should be as well.
I don’t want to use my prejudice as protection or as an exemption from loving my neighbor. For a teenager, it means that you don’t just assume that your parents won’t understand you. Talk to them anyway. If you’re a missionary, it means that you don’t assume the church down the road won’t support your denomination. Ask anyway. If you’re in the Charismatic movement, don’t just assume that the organ playing Methodist church down the street is dead and asleep. Give your brother some credit. Trust that love can and will show itself in your neighbor.
If we insist on looking through the lens of mistrust, we will certainly create many enemies for ourselves. I’m not saying that real opposition won’t come to us, but I am saying that much of our perceived opposition is “self-fulfilling prophecy.” When we walk around waiting for opposition, anyone who we are unsure about becomes a potential backstabber. That is not what it looks like to walk in trust! It is never fair to blindly assume that someone will hurt you or misunderstand you. Withholding love to protect yourself is never the answer. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If they do prove to be your enemy, at least they were given the dignity of being trusted as you loved them and let them near you. And as you suffer in the hurt that is sure to come, drink it down as the Father’s cup for you, and take joy in knowing that you did not repay evil with evil, but with good. **
Lay down your assumptions and live in trust - day after day. Don’t shut down to those that may possibly offend or misquote you. Perhaps they will and perhaps they won’t! If they indeed live up to your prejudices, you will have loved them in their weakness. And if they shatter your low expectations, the surprise and relief you will feel at having found an unexpected friend will be a gift from Heaven.
** I want to be clear that I am not trying to endorse the toleration of any patterns of abuse – there is wisdom in maintaining healthy boundaries, and many times the most loving thing one can do is to remove themselves from a harmful situation or a habitually abusive relationship.
Monday, May 14, 2007
The Cost of Defensiveness
"Many sufferings can assault a person, and worldly wisdom knows many remedies in defense. But all these remedies have the dismal quality that they save the body but kill the soul. They invigorate the body but deaden the spirit."
-Soren Kierkegaard
I'm moving slower
I take a little longer
But I'm healing deeper
I'm feeling stronger
And it's tearing down defenses
And opening my senses
To the wonder of a Lover
Crying out
- Jason Upton, "Where Fools Turn to Gold"
Funny things start to happen when you are suddenly surrounded by people of like heart.
When a soldier who has spent his whole life on an outpost gets relocated to the central headquarters, he suddenly looks around and notices that he is not the only man who can shoot a gun, scale a wall, or travel through the jungle without a sound.
Back in Oxford, I wouldn't have said that I attached much of my value or identity to my spiritual gifts. I had already learned that lesson years ago - actually I had learned it a few times. God doesn't love me because of what I do, but because of who I am. Christianity 101. But now that I'm surrounded here by literally hundreds of other "prophetic-intercessor-worship-people," I'm feeling a little lost in the crowd. You see, around here it is not a unique thing at all to have a prayer life. It is not a unique thing to have prophetic insight in and around your life. It's not an unusual thing to know the scriptures really well. It's not even unique to be truly passionate in loving other people.
I didn't realize how much these qualities still mattered to me until I found myself in a place where they're not special anymore. I am no longer one of a handful of intercessors - I am one in a thousand - literally.
What happens naturally for me is that the walls start to go up. I start to rationalize my spirituality. I start to play games of criticizing and fault-finding in others. I suddenly want to do different things and go different places than everyone else. I begin to grab onto anything to set me apart from the nameless and faceless crowd.
I'm different, you know.
The problem with this defensive posture is that it "saves the body but kills the soul." There is a cost to self preservation - a high cost. It's been a battle against rejection and insecurity since coming here, and the only way to fight is to put down my weapons - to abandon my attempts to defend myself.
My prayer is that the Lord would tear down my defenses - that he would quiet that ravenous desire in me to somehow separate myself - whether it looks like lifting myself up or pushing others down. Both come at a cost, and it's not worth it.
-Soren Kierkegaard
I'm moving slower
I take a little longer
But I'm healing deeper
I'm feeling stronger
And it's tearing down defenses
And opening my senses
To the wonder of a Lover
Crying out
- Jason Upton, "Where Fools Turn to Gold"
Funny things start to happen when you are suddenly surrounded by people of like heart.
When a soldier who has spent his whole life on an outpost gets relocated to the central headquarters, he suddenly looks around and notices that he is not the only man who can shoot a gun, scale a wall, or travel through the jungle without a sound.
Back in Oxford, I wouldn't have said that I attached much of my value or identity to my spiritual gifts. I had already learned that lesson years ago - actually I had learned it a few times. God doesn't love me because of what I do, but because of who I am. Christianity 101. But now that I'm surrounded here by literally hundreds of other "prophetic-intercessor-worship-people," I'm feeling a little lost in the crowd. You see, around here it is not a unique thing at all to have a prayer life. It is not a unique thing to have prophetic insight in and around your life. It's not an unusual thing to know the scriptures really well. It's not even unique to be truly passionate in loving other people.
I didn't realize how much these qualities still mattered to me until I found myself in a place where they're not special anymore. I am no longer one of a handful of intercessors - I am one in a thousand - literally.
What happens naturally for me is that the walls start to go up. I start to rationalize my spirituality. I start to play games of criticizing and fault-finding in others. I suddenly want to do different things and go different places than everyone else. I begin to grab onto anything to set me apart from the nameless and faceless crowd.
I'm different, you know.
The problem with this defensive posture is that it "saves the body but kills the soul." There is a cost to self preservation - a high cost. It's been a battle against rejection and insecurity since coming here, and the only way to fight is to put down my weapons - to abandon my attempts to defend myself.
My prayer is that the Lord would tear down my defenses - that he would quiet that ravenous desire in me to somehow separate myself - whether it looks like lifting myself up or pushing others down. Both come at a cost, and it's not worth it.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Keys
Every so often, someone will say something that echoes with me for years to come. As time passes, I keep finding myself coming back to little phrases - "keys" - that were given to me in my spiritually formative years. One that has held me fast lately is something that a friend spoke to me many years ago while on a missions trip to Monterrey, Mexico. He reminded me that "we are never changed in order to gain access to God's presence. Rather, it's in His presence that we are changed."
At the time, it was helpful and insightful, but certainly not worthy of "jaw-dropping-I-think-I-need-a-minute" awe or anything. But as time has gone by, those two simple sentences have been cooking in my spirit and have helped to dramatically shape who I am today. I'm sure my friend has no memory of speaking those words to me, but God snatched up those phrases like keys to His Kingdom and hung them on my heart. In my life there are many, many words like that; many glimpses of Wisdom that my brothers and sisters have given me over the years. It's nice to know that they'll be there when I need them the most - whether it's tomorrow, or perhaps ten years from now.
At the time, it was helpful and insightful, but certainly not worthy of "jaw-dropping-I-think-I-need-a-minute" awe or anything. But as time has gone by, those two simple sentences have been cooking in my spirit and have helped to dramatically shape who I am today. I'm sure my friend has no memory of speaking those words to me, but God snatched up those phrases like keys to His Kingdom and hung them on my heart. In my life there are many, many words like that; many glimpses of Wisdom that my brothers and sisters have given me over the years. It's nice to know that they'll be there when I need them the most - whether it's tomorrow, or perhaps ten years from now.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Quarter Life Crisis
Okay, I know I'm only 23... but here are four things that have made me feel really old lately.
1. The music in church is too loud.
2. The majority of my socks are black.
3. I listen to NPR on my drive to work.
4. Last night I referred to a group of teens as "young people."
To combat this, I'm going to go see Spiderman 3, and maybe I'll get a jumbo popcorn... and a tattoo.
1. The music in church is too loud.
2. The majority of my socks are black.
3. I listen to NPR on my drive to work.
4. Last night I referred to a group of teens as "young people."
To combat this, I'm going to go see Spiderman 3, and maybe I'll get a jumbo popcorn... and a tattoo.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Born Again
"For you have been born again not of seed which is perishable, but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God. For all flesh is like grass, and its glory like the flower of the field. The grass withers and the flower fades, but the word of the Lord remains forever. Like newborn babes, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation."
- 1 Peter 1:23-25, 2:2
There is unbelievable dignity on our lives. The metaphor of being "born again" has been overused and casually glossed over in Church culture to such an extent that we have lost touch with nearly all of its power. But hidden behind the veil of familiarity is a powerful window into reality.
In saying "yes" to the mercy of Jesus, He has caused us to be reborn of new seed. This isn't the latest twelve-step program, nor is it helpful hints for people who are a little "off-track." It is a new and different life. The "imperishable seed" speaks of nothing less than the very "sperm" of God Almighty - all the legitimacy and dignity and sanctity of life is present at your rebirth, as the very seed of the creator "conceives you" in the spirit. Right now, through the living and enduring word of God, I possess the DNA of God the Father inside of me. It is who I am at the most basic level. Being made of "God's genes" means that I have his features. This is stunning. One is able to look at me and say, "yes, he has Jesus' eyes." I look like my Father, not due to human effort, but because I was conceived of Divine Intent, knit together in my mother's womb.
The other thing about rebirth is that it levels the playing field. A seventy year old man is suddenly reduced to infant status. All the lessons learned from the world, all experience in the ways of the flesh, all the names and titles received from men - suddenly gone; stripped off like grave clothes. Naked and crying in the blinding light of day, like a newborn you find yourself in need of absolutely everything to be provided for you. The reason you "long for the pure milk of the word" is this: you have never eaten before. Your entire life has been spent feasting on imaginary food. The sustenance of eternity has yet to touch your tongue. The cry of a newborn is a cry for nutrients - for that which nourishes and satisfies and allows growth. So it is in the Spirit: after a life spent eating vanities and deceptions, the desperate heart cry of a believer is for that which is truly healthy; that which puts meat on your bones and builds up the Life of the Kingdom deep inside.
God, feed us on eternity. We come to you as those who have barely eaten real food. We need nutrients. We need the substance of your ways - the presence of purity. Give us your righteousness as bread that fills us. Let us see the imperishable dignity and the enduring destiny over our lives. The very Word of God has conceived us, and in your mercy you have written eternity on our hearts.
- 1 Peter 1:23-25, 2:2
There is unbelievable dignity on our lives. The metaphor of being "born again" has been overused and casually glossed over in Church culture to such an extent that we have lost touch with nearly all of its power. But hidden behind the veil of familiarity is a powerful window into reality.
In saying "yes" to the mercy of Jesus, He has caused us to be reborn of new seed. This isn't the latest twelve-step program, nor is it helpful hints for people who are a little "off-track." It is a new and different life. The "imperishable seed" speaks of nothing less than the very "sperm" of God Almighty - all the legitimacy and dignity and sanctity of life is present at your rebirth, as the very seed of the creator "conceives you" in the spirit. Right now, through the living and enduring word of God, I possess the DNA of God the Father inside of me. It is who I am at the most basic level. Being made of "God's genes" means that I have his features. This is stunning. One is able to look at me and say, "yes, he has Jesus' eyes." I look like my Father, not due to human effort, but because I was conceived of Divine Intent, knit together in my mother's womb.
The other thing about rebirth is that it levels the playing field. A seventy year old man is suddenly reduced to infant status. All the lessons learned from the world, all experience in the ways of the flesh, all the names and titles received from men - suddenly gone; stripped off like grave clothes. Naked and crying in the blinding light of day, like a newborn you find yourself in need of absolutely everything to be provided for you. The reason you "long for the pure milk of the word" is this: you have never eaten before. Your entire life has been spent feasting on imaginary food. The sustenance of eternity has yet to touch your tongue. The cry of a newborn is a cry for nutrients - for that which nourishes and satisfies and allows growth. So it is in the Spirit: after a life spent eating vanities and deceptions, the desperate heart cry of a believer is for that which is truly healthy; that which puts meat on your bones and builds up the Life of the Kingdom deep inside.
God, feed us on eternity. We come to you as those who have barely eaten real food. We need nutrients. We need the substance of your ways - the presence of purity. Give us your righteousness as bread that fills us. Let us see the imperishable dignity and the enduring destiny over our lives. The very Word of God has conceived us, and in your mercy you have written eternity on our hearts.
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