What I mean is, I've never felt so detached from the values and the practices of biblical Christianity. Maybe it's just this transitional stage of life I'm in, getting on my feet (or trying to, as the case may be...) and encountering for the first time what "grown-up life" is all about. Unfortunately, most of it's about rent and insurance and groceries and cars and working overtime. By its very nature, my life has gotten much more "worldly" in the past six months, and I'm feeling the effects. There are those who would tell me that God is still very present in my workplace and that I just need to look for Him in new ways. And they're right. I know that a "regular job" can be a great ministry. I know that God is still present in this season.
But there's still something about it all that feels a lot like erosion; like the gradual chipping away of the Kingdom in my heart.
I was venting some of this to a dear friend of mine a few weeks back, and he pointed me to the passage in Mark where Jesus tells the parable of the sower and the seed. I can really see myself in the soil that had the thorns growing in it. The worries of the world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things are all knocking on my door daily, and I've been staring back at them through the peephole.
Jesus warned us that life has a way of choking the word and making it unfruitful. I don't want to be a disappointed, burnt-out "twenty-something." I don't want my heart to be a casualty. I want to feel like I'm the good soil again.
One thing's for sure: I have a lot more compassion for the people I used to look down on. I can remember many years ago my friends and I getting fed up with the "older generation" in my home church because it seemed like they just didn't have the energy or desire to pursue the "Deep Things of God" with us passionate younger folks in the youth group. They were so passive... so worldly. We were pretty arrogant at times.
And now I find myself on the other side of the equation. Now I'm the hard working simpleton who struggles to read his Bible every week. God's a good shepherd for letting me see both sides (and hopefully taking the good from both perspectives).
He is patient and He is kind. This season will pass in time, and I know that I'll continue learning what it really looks like to live a Godly life.
1 comment:
What an important observation. Thanks for sharing this, brother.
I really appreciate the last line... It's good to be reminded that, in all of this, we know that He has not left us or abandoned us to less than the highest of calls..
But it looks different than we expected ..or somthing.
I read somthing once where Lewis was giving his opinion on what our reserected bodies might look like. He ended the discussion with once simple line: "and, if it's not that, it will be somthing infinatly better."
Praise the Lord that His plans are infinatly better.
I guess Mom Theresa had a point with that whole thing about how we need trust more than clarity.
I have about zero clarity on this whole grown up thing.
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