Direction and Trust

I wonder if I'll know when to take the next step. Will the curtain drop down and cleanly separate act two from act three? Will there be definition as my life continues?

My tendency thus far has been to take the words of the Lord and put them on like handcuffs. In the name of "faithfulness," I cling onto to yesterday's yoke and last year's inspirations. I stay up late and wonder if I'm still bound to the words that were spoken to me years ago.

I know that God leaves me room to change, but there's still something in me that hesitates to move on after I feel that a certain amount of direction has been provided.

Is something as fickle as my heart really a sufficient compass down this road?

I wonder if, when the time comes and the season does change, I will feel a sense of closure or if I will simply have to make a decision and move on. I suspect the latter.

I heard a story once about a man who came to Mother Teresa and asked for prayer. When she asked him for his request, the man replied that he needed clarity. She looked at him sternly and informed the man that she was unwilling to pray for clarity in his life. Flustered and confused, the man explained that he had come to her because she always seemed to have a sense of direction and clarity concerning her own life and her surroundings. Laughing, she corrected the man and stated that she had never once experienced clarity in her life - but that she had always possessed trust.

In the end, being able to trust is infinitely more valuable than having a moment of clarity.

Elusive Beauty

And how is it that beauty fades so quickly? The glorious sunset is soon over. Beauty is, at best, the echo of a voice. And if we try to pin it down - literally, in the case of a butterfly collector with a specimen - we find that the key thing itself, the elusive beauty which keeps us always looking further, is precisely what you lose when the pin goes in. Beauty is here, but it's not here. It is this - this bird, this song, this sunset - but it is not this.

- N.T. Wright, Simply Christian


There is preciousness in life's spontaneous places. Beauty can never be bought - it is never available on demand. Authenticity comes only as life is received in a natural way.

Too often our pursuit of beauty is the very thing that kills it. Many times our quest for happiness is what ends up breaking our hearts. We experience love and then try our best to pin it down - to freeze it or lock it away - but our striving to preserve love is precisely what ruins it. Genuine passion suffocates under the weight of our straining. Real happiness simply can't keep up with us when we're chasing down our dreams.

Friendships are a blessing as long as they are not an obligation. Love is content until it becomes a duty. Knowing God is refreshing provided it's not contrived.

We have all perceived at times the difference between that which is natural and that which is manipulated; the difference between being and behaving. We desperately want love in our lives, as long as it's real. Nothing feels worse than forced affection.

Can we pursue God in such a way that we don't smother the very life that we're desiring to experience? Just to respond naturally to what He says and does in our lives - nothing more, nothing less. I want authentic beauty - the kind that may turn out to be elusive and unpredictable. Here today and gone tomorrow. The alternative is to take love and pin it down into a formula, only to discover that all of the wonder has been lost.