Friday, March 30, 2007
FYI
So, I just realized that I had my settings fixed to where only other blogspot.com users could comment on my posts, but I just changed those settings. Now anyone should be able to leave comments on here - and please do. I Like to keep in touch this way and would love to hear your thoughts. Just click the "other" category and leave your name and/or blog.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Tension
If you've read my last 2 posts on suffering, you've probably figured out that I tend to chew on ideas for long periods of time and don't come to conclusions quickly. Sometimes it's a gift, like a greenhouse for wisdom and revelation. And other times it feels like my entire life is lived inside my head and I am deceiving myself by storing up a wealth of good intentions, but little more. For example, in learning about suffering and sacrifice, it's frustrating for me to have my eyes open to the beauty of the Kingdom, but then to be in a place where my life feels as if I am not living it. I'm sure reading all that Kierkegaard didn't help either (does my theology even exist or matter if I'm not living it?).
But even though it often feels as if my meditations are sectioned off like a TV dinner from the nitty-gritty nine-to-five, there are also times (like tonight) where I see that my thought life really does matter. Tonight in the prayer room much of the focus was on praying for a particular IHOPer who is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning. Prayers for physical healing and restoration rose up all over the room. It was a truly beautiful thing... and most of the time I was wrestling with a tightness in my heart.
It seems with all my meditation on bearing up under suffering, sacrifice, accepting pain, etc., I've really gotten cloudy as far as my prayer life is concerned. What have I come to believe about God's intentions, anyway? When a brother or sister is suffering, I am no longer one hundred percent comfortable praying for their well-being. This bothers me.
I know that God desires to heal. Look at Jesus. Manifest compassion and release of the prisoners is everywhere. But my heart is also so ready to drink the cup of suffering, because I can now see the beautifying process it brings - like when, under pressure, an irritating dust particle becomes a pearl, or sand becomes a diamond. I know in my head that both approaches are good, biblical, and beneficial.
The main tension comes, like I said, when it gets past the meditating and down to the practical. When I'm supposed to pray for the sick or feed the poor, all of the sudden it feels as if God's intentions are foggy. Does he desire healing, wealth, and prosperity every time? No. Does he have a cold, stoic heart that makes us go through hell just to learn a lesson and build some character? Again, no.
I found out tonight that I don't really know how to handle suffering in others anymore - whether to rebuke it as a theif or to welcome it as a teacher. It's a disconcerting thing, and it has me bothered.
But even though it often feels as if my meditations are sectioned off like a TV dinner from the nitty-gritty nine-to-five, there are also times (like tonight) where I see that my thought life really does matter. Tonight in the prayer room much of the focus was on praying for a particular IHOPer who is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning. Prayers for physical healing and restoration rose up all over the room. It was a truly beautiful thing... and most of the time I was wrestling with a tightness in my heart.
It seems with all my meditation on bearing up under suffering, sacrifice, accepting pain, etc., I've really gotten cloudy as far as my prayer life is concerned. What have I come to believe about God's intentions, anyway? When a brother or sister is suffering, I am no longer one hundred percent comfortable praying for their well-being. This bothers me.
I know that God desires to heal. Look at Jesus. Manifest compassion and release of the prisoners is everywhere. But my heart is also so ready to drink the cup of suffering, because I can now see the beautifying process it brings - like when, under pressure, an irritating dust particle becomes a pearl, or sand becomes a diamond. I know in my head that both approaches are good, biblical, and beneficial.
The main tension comes, like I said, when it gets past the meditating and down to the practical. When I'm supposed to pray for the sick or feed the poor, all of the sudden it feels as if God's intentions are foggy. Does he desire healing, wealth, and prosperity every time? No. Does he have a cold, stoic heart that makes us go through hell just to learn a lesson and build some character? Again, no.
I found out tonight that I don't really know how to handle suffering in others anymore - whether to rebuke it as a theif or to welcome it as a teacher. It's a disconcerting thing, and it has me bothered.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Suffering unto Rewards
Since my last post, I have been reminded of some truths that are important to keep hold of if we are to understand suffering and sacrifice in a healthy way.
Last night, Mike Bickle preached a message dealing with the Millennial Kingdom, and in it he made the observation that Jesus more often than not used rewards as motivation to his followers. Take the Beatitudes as an example. The demands made in those verses are some of the most repulsive ideas in scripture. Jesus wants a people who are poor in spirit, who mourn, are hungry and thirsty, and are insulted and persecuted for righteousness' sake. No one naturally gravitates towards these things. No one listens to that job description and says "sign me up!" But thankfully, Jesus doesn't end there. For each area of self-contradiction and suffering, a heavenly reward is promised. Why am I blessed to mourn? Because I will be comforted by the hand of the Father that wipes away every tear and seats me in a house where sorrow will be no more. Why am I blessed to be beaten for the gospel or ostracized by my friends and coworkers? Because Jesus says great is my reward in heaven. The question is not so much "do I want to loose my life," but "do I want to gain it?"
For a long time, the Lord has had my heart meditating on the "loss" side of the coin and not the "gain" side. And make no mistake - meditating on the "losses" has been absolutely amazing, and has done nothing but lead me to love Him more. Gazing at meekness and voluntary abuse has been one of the most profound lessons I have ever learned. I pray that I can continue to gaze at the beauty of sacrificial love for years to come. But it's important not to forget the other side. When it comes down to it, all these sacrifices are about temporary denial for eternal gain. Even Jesus endured the cross "for the joy set before him" and for "the rewards of His suffering." How much more should I take rewards in to account in my suffering?
The thing is, it's kind of hard to admit that I actually want rewards. One thing that Mike said was that many Christians (myself included at times) have this idea that we should love and sacrifice only for love and sacrifice's sake. We act as if loving Jesus is enough simply because it's "the right thing to do" and because it pleases God. It's a romantic thought, but if you've ever tried it out for any length of time, you know that it comes up short. And what's more, shouldn't we take a hint from Jesus when he continually offers us rewards in heaven? Maybe - just maybe - he knows what I need more than I do. If He thinks I need rewards as motivation, I probably do.
Over the past year, The Lord has been stirring up a desire in me to walk in sacrifice and to love those who cannot love me back. But I cannot begin to do so unless I am satisfied. It does not work. It is a deception to believe that I can walk in love just because I am "supposed to." Love is indeed the right thing to do, but it is essential that I am satisfied in the midst of sacrifice. As the favor of man and the affirmation of others lessens in my life, I must experience the smile of the Father in order to go on in love. I am wired to seek my own good, and this is not a bad thing when we take it to Jesus. Like I say, this takes some getting used to, and it's downright offensive to my false humility, which opts to politely decline rewards and continue trudging along in noble denial.
So, yes - choose humility. Choose meekness. Choose suffering. But remember that those choices are bringing you an eternal weight of Glory which you will unashamedly enjoy forever. That alone gives you power to embrace the "downward mobility" of the Kingdom.
Last night, Mike Bickle preached a message dealing with the Millennial Kingdom, and in it he made the observation that Jesus more often than not used rewards as motivation to his followers. Take the Beatitudes as an example. The demands made in those verses are some of the most repulsive ideas in scripture. Jesus wants a people who are poor in spirit, who mourn, are hungry and thirsty, and are insulted and persecuted for righteousness' sake. No one naturally gravitates towards these things. No one listens to that job description and says "sign me up!" But thankfully, Jesus doesn't end there. For each area of self-contradiction and suffering, a heavenly reward is promised. Why am I blessed to mourn? Because I will be comforted by the hand of the Father that wipes away every tear and seats me in a house where sorrow will be no more. Why am I blessed to be beaten for the gospel or ostracized by my friends and coworkers? Because Jesus says great is my reward in heaven. The question is not so much "do I want to loose my life," but "do I want to gain it?"
For a long time, the Lord has had my heart meditating on the "loss" side of the coin and not the "gain" side. And make no mistake - meditating on the "losses" has been absolutely amazing, and has done nothing but lead me to love Him more. Gazing at meekness and voluntary abuse has been one of the most profound lessons I have ever learned. I pray that I can continue to gaze at the beauty of sacrificial love for years to come. But it's important not to forget the other side. When it comes down to it, all these sacrifices are about temporary denial for eternal gain. Even Jesus endured the cross "for the joy set before him" and for "the rewards of His suffering." How much more should I take rewards in to account in my suffering?
The thing is, it's kind of hard to admit that I actually want rewards. One thing that Mike said was that many Christians (myself included at times) have this idea that we should love and sacrifice only for love and sacrifice's sake. We act as if loving Jesus is enough simply because it's "the right thing to do" and because it pleases God. It's a romantic thought, but if you've ever tried it out for any length of time, you know that it comes up short. And what's more, shouldn't we take a hint from Jesus when he continually offers us rewards in heaven? Maybe - just maybe - he knows what I need more than I do. If He thinks I need rewards as motivation, I probably do.
Over the past year, The Lord has been stirring up a desire in me to walk in sacrifice and to love those who cannot love me back. But I cannot begin to do so unless I am satisfied. It does not work. It is a deception to believe that I can walk in love just because I am "supposed to." Love is indeed the right thing to do, but it is essential that I am satisfied in the midst of sacrifice. As the favor of man and the affirmation of others lessens in my life, I must experience the smile of the Father in order to go on in love. I am wired to seek my own good, and this is not a bad thing when we take it to Jesus. Like I say, this takes some getting used to, and it's downright offensive to my false humility, which opts to politely decline rewards and continue trudging along in noble denial.
So, yes - choose humility. Choose meekness. Choose suffering. But remember that those choices are bringing you an eternal weight of Glory which you will unashamedly enjoy forever. That alone gives you power to embrace the "downward mobility" of the Kingdom.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Welcoming Abuse and Suffering
"In ordinary human suffering there exists no self contradiction. There is no self denial in my wife's dying a natural death - after all, she is mortal. There is no self denial in my losing my possessions - after all, they are perishable. In Christian suffering, however, self contradiction is necessary. It is this that constitutes the possibility of offense. To suffer Christianly is not to endure the inescapable, but to suffer evil at the hands of people because you voluntarily will and endeavor to do only good: to willingly suffer on account of the Word and for the sake of righteousness. This is how Christ suffered. This alone is Christian suffering."
-Soren Kierkegaard
"Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience towards God a person bears up under suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if when you sin, and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For this purpose you have been called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example to follow in His footsteps. And while being reviled, he did not revile in return; while suffering he uttered no threats, but continually entrusted himself to the One who judges justly. Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in his flesh is done with sin."
-1 Peter 2:18-21, 23-24, 4:1
The idea of suffering has been heavy in my heart for many months now. I haven't exactly come to many solid conclusions, but I am having many previous misconceptions shattered. That counts for something.
For one thing, I've come to question this unspoken rule that we are to "stand up for ourselves" and "defend ourselves." It almost sounds blasphemous to our American ears, but I have begun to at least entertain the possibility that abuse and persecution are not the plagues to be avoided that we preach them for. The western church teaches us to serve, but not to let yourself be "walked all over." Don't let yourself be exploited. Don't let them take advantage of you.
(Don't turn the other cheek?)
Is that biblical? These are serious questions I'm having - I'm not trying to be smart...
"For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience towards God a person bears up under suffering unjustly."
I'm beginning to see in the scriptures more and more the way Jesus was exploited, abused, manipulated, and abandoned by those around him. And the truly stunning thing is that he allows it and invites it. Powerless man would have no authority over the God-Man unless it was permitted from on high. When Judas betrays Christ in the garden, and Peter vainly attempts to stop it by use of the sword, Jesus rebukes him. He shocks everyone with his next words:
"Peter, do you think that this cup which the Father has given me, that I should not drink it?"
"This cup" is nothing less than total rejection, heart wrenching betrayal, unjust beatings, cold blooded murder of the only innocent man in history, and the very wrath of the Almighty against sin bearing down on a single human being. Jesus does not run away from this. Instead, He runs straight towards it. And what is more, he doesn't point the finger of blame on Satan, Judas, Pilate, Israel, fallen man, or even himself. He points the finger straight at the Father. This is absolutely amazing. How much time is spent by today's theologians trying to neatly shift the blame for human suffering and tragedy off of God? Man is fallen, and there is indeed a devil, but what happens when even unjust suffering is the Father's cup for you? Let's be clear: no one forced Jesus to suffer. Jesus chose it. You and I did not nail his hands to the cross - Love did that. True love (and therefore true Christian suffering) is never manipulated - it is always chosen freely.
I am really wrestling through this. I'm not ready to say we should receive every bit of suffering in our lives without question and just "suck it up" in the name of God. But, I am more than a little troubled that I have grown up in the church my entire life and have never heard this preached. I have never been told that I must choose to suffer. On the contrary, the unspoken (and sometimes spoken) message I have received is that "life is full of suffering - take what inevitably comes your way and let God teach you and refine you through it." This completely ignores the issue of meekness - of having power and comfort and laying it down voluntarily.
The other operative phrase in all of this is that the chosen suffering comes "on account of the Word." There is such a profound difference between a Hurricane Katrina victim and a Chinese pastor beaten to death in front of his children because of involvement in the underground church. Both are loved and valued by God. Both can learn volumes from their trials. But only one has chosen his path - and he has chosen it daily, with his eyes wide open to the danger.
Lord, teach me to embrace suffering as you did, continually entrusting myself to the one who judges righteously. Teach me to lay down my life for the brethren. Teach me how to walk this out in a healthy way.
I welcome your thoughts on this...
-Soren Kierkegaard
"Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience towards God a person bears up under suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if when you sin, and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For this purpose you have been called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example to follow in His footsteps. And while being reviled, he did not revile in return; while suffering he uttered no threats, but continually entrusted himself to the One who judges justly. Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in his flesh is done with sin."
-1 Peter 2:18-21, 23-24, 4:1
The idea of suffering has been heavy in my heart for many months now. I haven't exactly come to many solid conclusions, but I am having many previous misconceptions shattered. That counts for something.
For one thing, I've come to question this unspoken rule that we are to "stand up for ourselves" and "defend ourselves." It almost sounds blasphemous to our American ears, but I have begun to at least entertain the possibility that abuse and persecution are not the plagues to be avoided that we preach them for. The western church teaches us to serve, but not to let yourself be "walked all over." Don't let yourself be exploited. Don't let them take advantage of you.
(Don't turn the other cheek?)
Is that biblical? These are serious questions I'm having - I'm not trying to be smart...
"For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience towards God a person bears up under suffering unjustly."
I'm beginning to see in the scriptures more and more the way Jesus was exploited, abused, manipulated, and abandoned by those around him. And the truly stunning thing is that he allows it and invites it. Powerless man would have no authority over the God-Man unless it was permitted from on high. When Judas betrays Christ in the garden, and Peter vainly attempts to stop it by use of the sword, Jesus rebukes him. He shocks everyone with his next words:
"Peter, do you think that this cup which the Father has given me, that I should not drink it?"
"This cup" is nothing less than total rejection, heart wrenching betrayal, unjust beatings, cold blooded murder of the only innocent man in history, and the very wrath of the Almighty against sin bearing down on a single human being. Jesus does not run away from this. Instead, He runs straight towards it. And what is more, he doesn't point the finger of blame on Satan, Judas, Pilate, Israel, fallen man, or even himself. He points the finger straight at the Father. This is absolutely amazing. How much time is spent by today's theologians trying to neatly shift the blame for human suffering and tragedy off of God? Man is fallen, and there is indeed a devil, but what happens when even unjust suffering is the Father's cup for you? Let's be clear: no one forced Jesus to suffer. Jesus chose it. You and I did not nail his hands to the cross - Love did that. True love (and therefore true Christian suffering) is never manipulated - it is always chosen freely.
I am really wrestling through this. I'm not ready to say we should receive every bit of suffering in our lives without question and just "suck it up" in the name of God. But, I am more than a little troubled that I have grown up in the church my entire life and have never heard this preached. I have never been told that I must choose to suffer. On the contrary, the unspoken (and sometimes spoken) message I have received is that "life is full of suffering - take what inevitably comes your way and let God teach you and refine you through it." This completely ignores the issue of meekness - of having power and comfort and laying it down voluntarily.
The other operative phrase in all of this is that the chosen suffering comes "on account of the Word." There is such a profound difference between a Hurricane Katrina victim and a Chinese pastor beaten to death in front of his children because of involvement in the underground church. Both are loved and valued by God. Both can learn volumes from their trials. But only one has chosen his path - and he has chosen it daily, with his eyes wide open to the danger.
Lord, teach me to embrace suffering as you did, continually entrusting myself to the one who judges righteously. Teach me to lay down my life for the brethren. Teach me how to walk this out in a healthy way.
I welcome your thoughts on this...
Friday, March 16, 2007
Seeing God in Others
I was talking to a friend of mine last night. It was like a tall glass of water. I always enjoy talking to her, but I especially needed it last night, after a sort of lonely/adjustment sort of week. Seems like whenever I talk to her it's been at least a few months since the last time we've spoken, so it's always really easy to see the ways she's changed in that time. And what's more, talking to someone who is changing makes it easier to see the changes in myself. And you know what else? When we look at each other's lives, we see each other getting more and more free. If you feel like you're in a rut or that you haven't changed in a long time, just talk to someone you haven't seen in two years. It's amazing the things God does that we just forget about.
I think it's such a humble thing for God to let me see Jesus through my friends. I love that God "shares himself" that way. He has every right to slap blinders over my eyes and make me stare at Him and Him alone. But God lets my eyes roam free, then He sneaks up on me when I least expect it through my friends, through a song, through a thunderstorm, or through a traffic jam. It is sheer humility and utter creativity for God to speak in such an uninhibited way. He will find a way to speak to me, one way or the other. He is committed. And I especially love it when he chooses to let me look at a friend and end up seeing Jesus.
Another friend of mine was preaching a few weeks ago and described the Trinity as "The Divine Dance." God Himself is a fellowship of persons. How much more should I seek that iron sharpening iron in my brothers and sisters? I love that God is about communion; that he comes in and invites us to a meal with him and with others.
I think it's such a humble thing for God to let me see Jesus through my friends. I love that God "shares himself" that way. He has every right to slap blinders over my eyes and make me stare at Him and Him alone. But God lets my eyes roam free, then He sneaks up on me when I least expect it through my friends, through a song, through a thunderstorm, or through a traffic jam. It is sheer humility and utter creativity for God to speak in such an uninhibited way. He will find a way to speak to me, one way or the other. He is committed. And I especially love it when he chooses to let me look at a friend and end up seeing Jesus.
Another friend of mine was preaching a few weeks ago and described the Trinity as "The Divine Dance." God Himself is a fellowship of persons. How much more should I seek that iron sharpening iron in my brothers and sisters? I love that God is about communion; that he comes in and invites us to a meal with him and with others.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
New Beginnings
Well, after months of transition I find myself sitting here in the prayer room at IHOP. I drove out here with two friends on Thursday, and since then I have already purchased a cell phone, narrowed down a place to live, and have a strong lead on a job too. I've caught up with some dear friends, eaten some great KC BBQ, attended some great worship sets, and even won a few games of speed scrabble.
So how's my heart?
It feels very strange to be here. Feels like I'll be hitting the road tomorrow with my friends and leave to return to Ohio - but I won't. Here I will stay: just a small town boy in the big city. It was exciting to see God's provision today and to see and hear things that make me think that there is "something" for me here in this next season. But I feel embarrassed in a way for not knowing what those plans are. At my job interview today he asked me where I saw myself in five years. A very tough question for me. I feel almost empty in the ambition department (which could be good or bad...). One thing that comforts me, however, is that although we talk endlessly of "callings" and "destiny," Jesus talks about these things relatively little. He didn't often speak to his disciples about walking out a calling, but rather he asked them to put down the nets and follow him. I'm slowly learning to just walk and trust Jesus when he says that my fruit will remain when I choose love. Being able to trust is eternally more valuable than experiencing clarity. Still, that's a hard conviction to live out.
So I find myself here, blowing in the wind a little. We'll see what happens.
So how's my heart?
It feels very strange to be here. Feels like I'll be hitting the road tomorrow with my friends and leave to return to Ohio - but I won't. Here I will stay: just a small town boy in the big city. It was exciting to see God's provision today and to see and hear things that make me think that there is "something" for me here in this next season. But I feel embarrassed in a way for not knowing what those plans are. At my job interview today he asked me where I saw myself in five years. A very tough question for me. I feel almost empty in the ambition department (which could be good or bad...). One thing that comforts me, however, is that although we talk endlessly of "callings" and "destiny," Jesus talks about these things relatively little. He didn't often speak to his disciples about walking out a calling, but rather he asked them to put down the nets and follow him. I'm slowly learning to just walk and trust Jesus when he says that my fruit will remain when I choose love. Being able to trust is eternally more valuable than experiencing clarity. Still, that's a hard conviction to live out.
So I find myself here, blowing in the wind a little. We'll see what happens.
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